Helpless
Author: Donna Lynn
E-mail: donnalynn@darkangelsfanfic.com
Status: Complete
Word Count: 837
Category: Angst
Spoilers/Rumors:
"Possibilities" | Missing Scene: Epilogue
Season: 3
Rating: PG
Content Warning: One curse word,
nothing bad really.
Summary: Shalimar talks to Jesse
about her feelings.
Author's Note: Everyone seems to be
putting their own opinion in on "Possibilities" so here's my two
cents worth.
Pairing: Shalimar/Brennan,
Shalimar/Jesse friendship
Disclaimer: The characters of "Mutant
X" do not belong to me. So DO
NOT sue me!
Shalimar
sat against her bedroom wall deep in thought as she played with a letter
opener. It was morning and she hadn't slept a wink. Every time she tried to lie
down she would get restless and uncomfortable. She was exhausted and her eyes
felt like someone had poured sand into them. She glanced at the alarm clock and
sighed, it was seven am. She pushed herself up and threw the letter opener on
her desk and walked out of her room towards the kitchen. 'Maybe if I get some
food on my stomach I can get some rest' she thought miserably to herself.
She
slowed her pursuit when she sensed a presence and used her feral senses to see
who it was. When she was sure it wasn't Brennan she continued her stride.
"Are you eating all the food before anyone else can even get a bite?"
she teased knowing Jesse was the person behind the fridge door.
"I
left you're Lucky Charms my
dear," he called out from inside the fridge.
She
couldn't help but smile at his remark. She seated herself at the table and
sighed, "I don't suppose I could convince you to make me a bowl of cereal
could I?" She put on her best innocent look as he turned and looked at
her. "Please?"
Jesse
smiled, "Bowl of cereal coming up."
"Thank
you kind sir," she tried to smile.
He could
tell she hadn't slept. The almost
smile said it all. Shalimar was hurt, to say the least. He knew Brennan had
left earlier that morning and wondered what they had talked about the night
before. He finished fixing her bowl then walked over to join her at the table.
"Didn't sleep well huh?" he said putting the bowl down in front of
her.
"Didn't
sleep at all," she said quietly. She took hold of her spoon and pushed the
cereal down into the milk making sure it got soaked in.
"Wanna
talk about it?" he asked softly.
She
dropped the spoon and covered her mouth as the tears from the night before
began to break through again. "I hate myself," she quivered. "I
hate this whole situation!" she shoved the bowl into the wall with a fury
and covered her face with her hands.
The
action hadn't scared Jesse at all. He wanted so badly to hold her and tell
everything would be alright, but he couldn't.
"One
minute things are fine between us then the next something like this happens.
Two steps forward then three steps back and it takes so long to catch back
up," she said sadly. "Sometimes I wish I had never gotten so close to
him," she whispered. "I hate myself."
He
looked at her confused, "Why, because you're a person, because you
feel?"
"I
don't hate that I feel for him Jes…I hate how I feel about him. I'm not worried
about some woman coming along a taking him
away, no…I'm worried about them taking what we have away…" she trailed off trying to hold back her tears.
"I hate the fact I…if I haven't already…fell
deeply in love with him." She wiped away a few stray tears with a saddened
sigh. "I care for him enough to want him to be happy…even if it isn't with
me."
"Then
you do love him," he smiled sadly.
She met
his gaze briefly, "He asked me if I was jealous of her…I was. Of course I
didn't admit this to him just denied it and made both of us feel like
shit."
He shook
his head, "Don’t you see it Shal…he's just as afraid as you are. He's
afraid to loose the closeness you guys have. You always factor into the
equation."
She
nodded, "We're not ready." Her lips quivered as another onslaught of
tears threatened to break through. "He wants to be sure…and I'm grateful
to him for that…and it scares me, that he could care for me that much."
She covered her mouth again.
Jesse
reached across the table and took her hands, "Shalimar, listen to me, look
at me…"
She met
his gaze with red eyes.
"…it
just shows you how much he does care. I can see how what happened with Samantha
and the though of how it affected you is what is eating away at him right
now."
"I
heard him leave out this morning," she said. "Did he say where he was
going?" she asked hopefully.
He shook
his head, "I didn't talk to him, I think he wants
to be alone right now."
She
nodded and gently tugged her hands from his. "I just hope this doesn't set
us back," she hoped. "I tried to comfort him last night and he
just…" she trailed off shaking her head. "I
guess that's one thing I can give him she couldn't?"
"What's
that?" he asked curiously.
She
gazed at him sadly, "…time…"
He
returned her sad gaze and they sat in silence.
THE END
2nd
Author's Note: I really hoped I captured this,
please tell me what you think. I tried to write this in a mature manner and not
out of control. I didn't want to write Shalimar or Brennan as a bunch of
lovesick puppies who didn't get all the attention. I
sort of put a little bit of personal emotion into this because it's similar to
what's going on with someone I know. Please review and give your honest
opinion, no matter how bad or good. Thanks!